No choice 

When I was little, I remember fantasizing about the glorious day when I would be standing in a wedding dress. I would over fantasize about the theme, and how my dress would look, how many people would attend, who I would end up marrying (I usually just inserted whichever boy I was dating at the time lol), and I held this fantasy so true to heart. Today I had a conversation with one of my best friends and found myself in the very opposite point of view. Those Ideas only once generated because there was actually someone in my life to actually fantasize about. However, there is none of that fantasizing now for that very reason, therefore my future dreams/goals only ever involve myself and I honestly wouldn’t have it any other way. 

I had no choice but to one day stop thinking that everyboy that came my way could potentially be my husband, but my mind ran these conclusions so persistently yet so inaccurately… I had no choice but to break this train of thought. This was especially true after I’ve lost all hope, and  my childhood fantasies no longer served me or made sense to my reality. One day I just had no choice but to decide ME and nothing else. I then realized that no one could ever give me what I truly desired or ever imagined on this earth but myself, and I’m more than happy planning things ahead with only me in mind because no one has ever done that for me, so I take it upon myself to give myself the world. Not to toot my own horn, but one of the things that I’m proud of saying publicly relates to independence and of course my FAVORITE topic of all self-love, in which I stated this: “Live your damn life until a man proves he can add unto the life you’ve already established for yourself,” and I’m going to go even further and say to CONTINUE living your damn life even when you do, because you were living, breathing, and functioning way before his exsistence and you shouldn’t have to ask for permission to breath even if you’re sharing the same air. 

Live your life as if you had no choice but to live as if no one will ever come, and be content with this possibility, as absurd as it may sound, but that’s how you know that once it does, that other person will not rule your life and codependency won’t take complete reign. Live your life as if you had absolutely no other option but to love yourself relentlessly, and do this as if that is your only duty. Love yourself so much that no force of negativity or evil can break down your walls of security, but when they do you’ll continue to love despite tribulation and brokenness. 

But remember that you cannot pour from an empty cup, and if you have nothing in your cup to give it’s because YOU need to fill it yourself. All the love in the world will not suffice unless you are reciprocating exactly the kind of  love you need from your own love tank. 

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