I’ve been in some thought lately on the various dimensions of self love and not only how its an inward duty but a conscious act. This act not only encompasses self care and confidence into one, but it’s one that’s needed to foster love such as self belief and self trust. When you get to a certain age all you can only think about is your purpose in life, what change you must experience in order to spark change in those around you and, the big overall umbrella: What will my legacy be ? As I type this I have no clue, and it frustrates me to think that you’ll never realize what this is until one day, it hits you, but until then work with what you’re given.
However, I would like to discuss some of the “common sense” that falls into this process of fully loving ones self, one being that you must believe in all that you are, to fall in love with yourself. I feel very hypocritical to advise this to anyone, when I, myself have not harnessed this ability, it’s only a mere realization. However, after much thought on what my “purpose in life,” is I realized that I don’t know if I believe in such, simply because I have not believed in myself for so long and there are just so many factors that go into why exactly I haven’t be able to do so, lots of which stem from childhood/ teenage experiences. Now I’m a woman or at least I’d like to think of myself as such, and I don’t want to harbor onto things from my past because I’m only moving forward, and too many times I’ve let myself stay in past and make myself at home in things that I no longer have control in, which is a waste of time and energy. One of the things I’m moving closer towards is believing that there is something that I’m destined to do, but first I have to believe in all of the things that interest me, all of the things I’m good at, all of the things I’m not, and really be my own driving source of encouragement. I have not encouraged myself beyond self care, and confidence and this I believe is one of the things I’m missing in the equation. I start something but end it abruptly, I believe in myself one instance and it’ll be gone in the next, I set plans for my goals and then leave them to rot, to later throw them away as if I never declared anything on my life due to fear of failure. After all of this time I am now working on loving myself in the way that I can equally believe in myself and what I do best, I believe that is true love.
As equally as important of believing in oneself is trusting yourself. I think after much judgement it has subdued my ability to trust in myself and the things that I do and take ownership in honing my craft even further due to doubts that originally stemmed from the outside, but are now brewing on their own inwardly without any help. If you don’t trust in what you’re doing or where you’re going, you’re never going to decide to put in the extra work, or make an effort to see new things unfold because you’re just tired with the things that you’ve initially founded those dreams on, so as result they don’t fall through as planned due to discrepant execution that stems from disbelief.
I conclude to reiterate that in order for you to love yourself on the deepest of levels is to believe in what you do and what your’re made of, and trust that you know how to do those things for a greater cause much bigger than yourself, and that you have those bestowed on you by God himself, not to perfect your craft for yourself but give them away to glorify him. So go ahead, bring forth your wildest dreams and do exactly what your heart has been tugging you to do, and if you still don’t know what that is believe that your’re right where you’re supposed to be and that every step of the journey counts. Be at peace with your present self and forgive yourself for being overly judgmental for not living up to the time constrained expectations you put on yourself. Reassure yourself that it’s okay to plan, and it’s OK not to be where you thought you’d be in your life in this given time. Instead of worrying, make the best of this moment you have and put on your favorite pair of heels or converse and put your best foot forward. Don’t make yourself regret the time you wasted worrying and not creating things with what you have RIGHT NOW. The best version of you is in the making each and everyday and the best version of you so far is the person reading this now… Go forward and don’t you dare look back.