I still hear his voice in my head when I wear my favorite pair of workout leggings “Oh, you just want people to look at your ass, you’re so obsessed with how you look all the time!” Or when I look at a cute guy, I can still hear him getting extremely sensitive and offensive and ready to breakup with me. But here’s the thing, it’s over and its been over for several months now (thank you God) so why do I still hear this judgmental, insecure, prideful, obscene voice in my head…. I don’t know and that’s been the challenge for these past couple months is how not listen to that overly criticizing maniac of a inhumane who is now part of my conscious. It’s hard because it’s almost like this voice inside my head has it’s say on things even before I come up with an answer myself and it’s this never ending battle between my conscious and subconscious.
My problem now is that after all this time, I’m still enemies with that voice, and because I’m struggling to make peace with this voice it overrules majority of my self-reflected thoughts. If you thought being your own critic was bad, try having prerecorded and heavily anticipated judgmental slurs in someone else’s voice readily disposed, ready to attack you at any given moment. My mind has put up a great fight and continues to fight for it’s overall peace and happiness on a daily basis. In order to re-frame my mentality I’ve been implementing “positive thinking” strategies to really sculpt my self thoughts into a kind of thinking that I’m not use to, a kind of thinking that I don’t think I deserve. Positive thinking is what I like to refer to now as “healing thinking,” since this voice is only in my head I have the power to evict these negative thoughts out of my head and invoke thoughts that are supernatural to combat the ones already there.
You too, have the ability to transform your thinking and guard your thoughts, you have the overall dominion over how you think of yourself and how you want to shift your general day to day thinking. Don’t let the negative noise of others tamper your potential to become the greatest you, make you fearful of doing things that make you, YOU or prohibit you in any way to not pursue yourself in a greater light, because you’re in charge. If I didn’t have the negative noise of a particular person make such a negative imprint on my self perception I wouldn’t try so hard to defy my own odds, or fight for myself like I do now. Even though some things may just seem to unbearable, too overwhelming, too impossible to overcome, you have to build your inner fight and know that it is vital for you to fall so that you can be lifted up again and realize that where you were standing before doesn’t even come close to the altitude that you’ll be standing in victory after your deepest self battles. Your lowest self-defeats will be your highest self-victories. Continue to fight, to press on, to wear your favorite workout leggings, wear whatever makes you feel good squash the devil’s head back into the ground every morning when you wake up before you go out and conquer the rest of the world.