4 Months With The Devil: Part 2

FullSizeRender11. Takes pleasure in provoking you

Note: Little children love to test aults and figure out what there limit is, usually when little kids have mastered the act of provoking you, they’ll only do so up until the level right before your breaking point (if the kids a bit wild, he/she will purposely drag you way past your breaking point and still not be shaken). Apparently some boys never even past this juvenile state of mind and live/feed themselves in this immaturity because it’s there form of entertainment. Study shows that women mature significantly faster than boys, therefore it would take a boy in his mid twenties or early thirties to begin to realize what a woman in her teenage years has already received a doctoral degree in (to put age in perspective). My point being, if he purposely gets you mad, his mental capacity is of a rat and your wasting your time trying to battle against a mentally incompetent individual. People will only understand things to their perspective, and so there mentality is skewed through how they conceive things, you can’t change ignorance you can only choose to not let it interfere with your intelligence.

12. Blames his irrational behavior/ language & failure of your relationship on you

Guys like this are extremely in denial and will brain wash you along with all of his other ignorant associates, just like he’s taught himself to see everyone else as the problem besides himself. He plays the victim and literally live this role as long as his adolescent mind is in control. Even if you’ve done nothing to deserve being mistreated he will label you as a scapegoat of everyone who’s ever done him wrong, as well as every wrong you’ve done (if he knows of any, he most certainly won’t forget and he’ll hold you accountable of that out of his fear of it possibly happening to him) hurt people, hurt people (which is something I will touch on later, how not to let someone else’s misery rub off on you). THIS is the very reason why I titled these last two blog posts “4 Months With The Devil” because after being blamed time and time again for my past and even labeled for things that I had not done, I had an abrupt revelation that enabled me to understand one of the characteristics of the devil, which is his ability to keep you in a mentally captive state of mind by trapping you in guilt, fear, sadness, unworthiness, whatever the case may be to keep you a prisoner of those thoughts. The devil’s tireless primary tool of tactic is to remind you of those things and negative thoughts about yourself in order to have complete control over your actions and in a much larger context, over your destiny. The devil knows how weak he is and also knows that the only thing in his power that he’s capable of is reminding you of what you’re not, but what you think you are.

13. False compassion in translation

In my previous “relationship”, I was unemployed for a few months in the beginning and he suggested that I work in the same facility that he did because they had a couple of job openings in the shop right across from where he worked. At first I thought “Wow, how considerate of him…” but later came to my senses and realized that he only wanted me to work directly across from him so he would be able to MONITOR me as he pleased. Like I mentioned earlier on in my blog, not to mistaken persistence with authenticity, he wasn’t being persistent with trying to employ me for MY greater good, but for his.

14. Invades your privacy and feels he’s entitled to do so

One time, I attempted to download an illegal version of Microsoft Word on my laptop for school because I didn’t want to pay for it so I gave the devil to fix, knowing that he was good with technology… only to come to find out that he went through a thorough sweep of all my emails, and social media and even took screenshots of messages between me and friends from YEARS AGO. Not only was this a total invasion of my privacy and social life, but I later concluded that if he was so distrusting of me and suspected that I was up to no good, it’s because he was up to no good himself. A person who’s had there trust tested before will have a much harder time trying to regain that trust for the person who broke it in the first place, or to every person who comes after, therefore if they struggle with trust issues it’s because this hurt has taken a toll on their ability to trust others, more so that they hardly even trust themselves. If he has a tendency to check your phone whenever you get a text or call even before you yourself are concerned, this is a huge red flag. I thought that this kind of jealousy was admirable because I coated this in my head as a sign of over protection.. which is cute… to a certain extent. However, if it’s a total invasion of your privacy in addition to him wanting to know more about you than what he is willing to share about himself…… RED FLAG. Love, just as communication is a two way street.

Lies/Mind games:

15. He’s a cheater

Ladies, now it’s not that hard to know if he’s a cheater or not (unless you’re like me) who has fooled yourself not to pay attention to the signs and practice obliviousness opposed to being aware. It’s pretty simple but can be overlooked, this can primarily be observed through the simplicity of normal day life believe it or not. Be attentive to how he is around other women, how he looks and acts around attractive women in particular. Be attentive to how he acts around you when you’re with him and his friends (if he ever decides to bring you around them). There is one thing that both of these environments will have in common in that is a clear indication of your priority in his life: distance. That’s all there is to the equation. If he’s distant with you, that’s the real him, the facade is unveiled. Behold, your actual place in his life.

16. Validates his mistreatment for you by saying “that’s what you deserve”…

First of all, don’t you ever tolerate anything less then what you want and keep your standards high or you’ll end up dating some low life with little regard to his own life, and if he barely cares about his own life your relationship with him will always be just a fraction of that of how he sees himself. Don’t settle for some crap ass, half ass kind of love because that’s not true love, neither is you waiting for him to get his act together or trying to change him into the man of your dreams. No woman is capable  of changing a man that doesn’t want to change, and you’ll know so because you’ll be everything he’s every needed and it’ll still go right over his head like all other common sense in the world. If you’re ever told that mistreatment is “what you deserve,” give him exactly what he deserves and leave.

17. Multiple devices, multiple social networks that you don’t ever show up on or are aware of his online activity

This dude had a iphone 5, iphone 6, and a damn ipad. All charged them at night, had them all right beside his bed… EVERY night. Now I don’t know why this wasn’t a red flag to me at the time but God this was the worst combination. Also know that if he keeps you off of his social media he’s keeping you from the world seeing and preventing from his side pieces knowing of him in any type of relationship. If he isn’t comfortable showcasing you on social media it’s most likely to save his own reputation, that can be one or both things: he’s already talked very negatively about you to people he’s close to, and or he’s saving himself from being exposed to his other female counterparts. There’s no if ands or buts about that.

18. Takes advantage of your kindness

If he continues to go against the rules you’ve set for the relationship and perpetually expresses his apathetic attitude against your standards and what you hold to be significant in a relationship, he’s taken advantage of you. Don’t stay with him simply for the sake of your relationship or to alleviate stress and conflict on your end, if he’s not who he sees to be regardless of who he’s surrounded by its not worth your time or energy. Frankly it is good to be alone rather than in bad company.

4 Months With the Devil: That Boy is Poison (Part 1)

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Ladies, I present to you my carefully crafted, extraneous list of “Don’ts” to take extreme pro-caution for when in a relationship. This list is action packed with stressful toxins and triggers that practically sum up most dangerous relationships that will help you differentiate Mr.Wrong from Mr.Right centralized through 3 particular themes associated with Mr.Wrong: Insecurities, manipulation, and lies.

INSECURITY-

1. Constantly accuses you of being intimate with other men besides him:

If he does accuse you of such, he’s obviously the aggressive, demanding, and undeniably insecure type who’s primary form of communication with you involves constant physical interaction. It makes him feel in control, and doing so gives him the validation that aids his absent masculine self. He really knows no other way to keep you by his side, and honestly that’s all he’ll ever have to offer.

2. Perpetually brings up your past & other relationships:

If he does this it’s according to one or two reasons,one; he knows that he can’t keep you, thus reminiscing about your past relationships only worsens his skepticism and hopelessness for your relationship you share. Two; recollecting events from your past interrupts his ego and he feels that you wouldn’t be able to achieve his definition of a girlfriend and he’s ashamed to call you his, which is often falsely expressed through a lie e.g: “I’ll never be enough for you”. Reverse psychology in full effect.

3. Asks your former boyfriend for advice before and or while dating you:

I cant tell you what’s more insane… really… the extreme psychos are more likely to attempt something like this if they have that access into your past. This means that he doesn’t trust you, so instead he’s willing to go to the extreme and basically survey your EX for the “inside scoop” on you (now I keep capitalizing “EX” because your EX is your EX and was a by passed product of an EX-perience you had in the past not an EX-amination of your current self, and if he doesn’t get that he should be nowhere near your list of EX-ceeding past the dating stage)

4. Uses you solely for his pleasure:

If he’s more concerned about what he could possibly gain from being with you instead of building an empire with you, doesn’t add on to your successes or dreams but modifies them for HIS own pleasure and complacency… he needs to go. Open your door of EX-periences and kick his sorry ass out.

5. Provokes you in never ending arguments about the same tireless meaningless things:

Look, this boy holds grudges and will not get over ANYTHING, especially won’t ever get over that THING that he bring up so often.. Don’t ignore this and try to pretend that things are fine and dandy because when that THING is brought up it will definitely bring out a side of you that you’ve never even known, and simply bring out his true colors. There is NO WAY you will ever convince him other wise, you will be left drained and he will suck the soul out of you. If he doesn’t believe you the first time, know that nothing will ever change his mind.

Manipulative/Controlling-

6. Judges/criticizes/ belittles you for wearing what you want and looking a certain way (and simply feeling confident):

He will exhibit verbally abusive comments and slurs direct and or indirectly to you, for you, to make you feel insecure and doubt your self-assurance so that you learn to abide by his standard of “normal”. His masculinity is tested when you wear revealing clothing and doesn’t know how to contain his insecurity, so he’ll lash out at you, to stoop you down to his level to slowly break you mentally, so that you eventually loose all urge of self-expression through clothing.

7. Openly expresses that he lacks trust for you:

He won’t trust you, or any other girl due to all his traumatic EX-periences with other women that have failed miserably. Things not working out for him is what he knows best and he’ll forever be stuck in this pessimistic rut. Taking risks in relationships wont ever cross his mind.

8. Dictates every area of your social life in order to prevent you from telling others whats really going on in your relationship:

He doesn’t want his ego to be chattered even more than what it already is, and doesn’t want others to know the truth about him so that he doesn’t have any conflict (because really, you’re already the problem in his life, God forbid he have to deal with anything else he cant handle, that’s just way too much on his little weak self). AAAAAANNNNNDDDDDDD ****DRUM ROLE PLEASEEEEE****……….. he’s cheating on you !!!! Word cant get out to his other side chicks or his life would really get complicated ! He wants to keep you all oblivious and in your lane… duh.

9. Corrects you for things that he has no business or proper knowledge about:

If he says you don’t know how to drive, do anything right, pray correctly, ANYTHING, it can literally be anything, again you’re too much for him to handle and this is just another one of his sadistic control tactics.

10. Turn you against your friends, family, colleagues:

Man… I know what is it to be turned against everyone I was close with because of this.. makes you feel like you’re going through an early mid-life crisis. Well, this is because he wants you to (again) have no contact with anyone else so that the only person you speak to is him, and if you confide in him he’ll have more to judge you for (and not everyone deserves to have every single piece of you, especially not these type of men, they don’t deserve a thing)

To be continued..

Baneful Boyfriends through the lens of Hip-Hop,

Female Representation in Hip Hop Music Videos

In an industry where sex sells, woman get lost and become slaves to the male dominated world of hip hop. Hip hop music has evolved from songs of outcry in the hoods of New York, to the glamorous exploitation of women in every area in relation to hip hop. Women are the main topic, and often the source of derogatory music. The music industry’s purpose in portraying women in this negative way is to entertain, and most importantly to make money by luring men in. Images that portray provocativeness, seductiveness, and women’s bodies are repetitively utilized in the making of music videos, and are complimented by outrageous songs about women. The majority of the female subjects are seen in a distorting light. Women are employed as sexual objects in practically every hip hop song, creating a seemingly impossible responsibility for women to break from these biases.

Consequently, women have become the supplementary object associated to sex. Sexualizing women’s roles in Hip Hop culture traces back to the early 20th century, setting the grounds for the film and the music industry to use women as a means of commercialization: “The term “sex symbol” was first used in 1910 to describe beautiful stars in the film industry…however sex symbolism is taken to an alarming dimension in the music industry where women are seen as a commercial venture, basically useful for commercial purposes” (Oikelome, 84). Hip Hop was initially created as the preliminary means for staying out of the streets and gave the African Americans and Hispanics a voice against white oppression in the 1970s where themes like street gangs, financial gain, drugs, and power were explored through the male perspective: “Early rappers voiced their frustrations of a society in which urban blacks were oppressed, powerless, vulnerable, and underrepresented. The first rappers criticized institutions such as the police, the government, and media, as well as the discrimination faced by blacks” (Flores). Young Black and Hispanic teens transformed their aggressions of mistreatment into an artistic form which founded the basis of the profound Hip-Hop voice convention. However, these themes were commercialized and deemed as a way to expand Hip-Hop’s audience to gain popularity and awareness of Whites. MTV, which was predominantly programmed for a White audience in the early 80s didn’t begin exploring Hip-Hop culture until the early 2000s until ethnic shifting sitcoms like “Pimp My Ride”. MTV fully embraced the Hip-Hop “Video Vixen” (Video girl) with the show titled “Yo! MTV Raps (MTV Timeline)” when visual imaging overpowered the actual content of the video itself: “One anonymous music video director has even stated that it has gotten to the point where “it’s all about the hot girls” and the social and political message behind the lyrics have taken a back seat” (Flores). With this, women have become the supplementary object associated to a man’s status in the world of Hip Hop. Misogynistic ideologies are interwoven, and influences the roles of women, altering the perception that men should have on woman. Over sexualized images of women in Hip-Hop videos sculpts the male perception that a woman’s sole purpose is to arouse him. I can personally attest to this growing phenomenon due to the disrespectful treatment I experienced with my previous ex-boyfriend. I later realized after the relationship had ended that he simply utilized me for physical pleasure and could care less about my actual being. What initially attracted him to me was my body, and how I looked and presented myself. I thought that I had to entertain his infatuation with my physical self because I thought that’s how I would gain his heart. Silly me, I was wrong.

The male gaze is a very significant factor in music videos that were originally conceptualized from film that is known as “Voyeurism” where the audience mimics this gaze:

The spectator thus takes on the role of the male voyager who imitates the voyeurism of the camera and the male actor within the film. This causes women to be fetishized as a passive object to be looked at, while the man is the active subject who looks at the woman. Hence the image of the woman is seen as an object for both the male character within the film and the spectator watching the film (Wan Yahwa, 26)

This obsession of the female body is heavily utilized for entertainment, and commercial purposes which mainly focus on dismembering the female body into individual parts of fantasy for the male counterpart’s enjoyment. This concept indirectly correlates to pornography in which these images subtly insinuate the idea of having sex with someone simply with your eyes. Sexual internalization in this way is then mimicked by the spectator in real life situations that go beyond the screen. My ex-boyfriend was aware of how men visualize women. Because of his personal experiences and mentality, he successfully controlled and attempted to detain many of my physical features, and overall appearance. Early on into our relationship, he began demanding that I wear longer shorts to cover my lower body and warned me to never go to the gym without him. In my inexperienced mind towards manipulative relationships, I respected his commands with no further questioning. His overprotectiveness quickly worsened and he didn’t want me wearing any lipsticks because he claimed that I am just trying to cause attention from other men. He got mad at me when I dressed up nicely, and repetitively claimed that I overtly craved the attention from other men, and that I was obsessed with how I looked. Time after time I respected his outrageous demands and assumptions, all so that he wouldn’t think that I wanted another man. He created this false mentality that I was just like every other girl, and always told me that I was “In demand” meaning that everyone would want me. This obviously stemmed from his insecurity of losing my convenience, and fear of me finding out what he was doing behind closed doors.

The causes of women is objectification based off a man’s vantage point has rippled effects to how women see, and present themselves in the music industry. Nicki Minaj’s chorus in her song Anaconda subjugates women to objectification and disembodiment by a man’s guidelines: “My anaconda don’t, my anaconda don’t, my anaconda don’t want nun unless you got buns hun! (Genius: Anaconda Lyrics)”. This particular section in the song is sung by a male, taken from the original song by Sir Mix A lot, Baby Got Back explicitly expresses his sexual desires for women that have big butts, an excludes every other type of women that doesn’t fit this physical criteria. These lyrics impose the significance of a woman to have or maintain a huge butt in order for them to be noticed and lusted after by men. Throughout her entire video Nicki Minaj and her back up dancers grasp their own butts, shake their butts on each other, and dance in a way that mimics sexual positions. The primary focus of these images is to lure men in with overly sexualized choreography and close-ups of their body parts which establishes the woman as being a “thing” to be fantasized after, not an actual person. These overly stressed images, and songs about the assets of a women’s body can psychologically creates an unhealthy obsession for women to alter their bodies into the images that are projected in Hip Hop music videos: “Internalization of the media message linking middle-aged beauty with sexual desirability, happiness, wealth, and success may implicitly encourage the equation of appearance with self-worth. In turn, cosmetic surgery may be regarded as an attractive method for alleviating these appearance focused concerns (Slevec and Tiggemann 66)”. Hip hop has broken the traditional beauty requirements of looking very thin, but has raised its own standards as to what the new image of beauty is for women aesthetically, that is to have surplus amounts of fat located in the chest, butt, and hips. This raises the same problem with different guidelines because women are still being told what they should look like physically. Before my ex-boyfriend and I were together I monitored his social media activity and theorized a pattern to what he mostly channeled his interest in, which were women who fall under the physical category of being “Thick” (exaggerative bodily assets). He would persistently like or favorite a picture or a video of a girl that would exotically expose her body. He was obsessed with women who over-displayed their bodies, and I knew that I had some competition. I would post pictures to accentuate my figure as well and even sent personalized photos to him to reframe his focus to indirectly express that he didn’t need to go cyber searching anymore, because he made it apparent that’s what he was searching for, I wanted to give him what he wanted because I was really interested in him. He would even send me twerk videos of random women from vine, and would ask me if I knew how to do that, so that’s where his focus was from the beginning, unfortunately it’s never changed since.

Sexual scripting is prevalent to African American women, and African American women have experienced this since the time of Slavery. An African American woman named Saartje Baartman otherwise known as “Hottentot Venus” a woman who was sold off to be exhibited at freak shows in Europe was sexually violated and tantalized after by white men, and eventually got sold again to dance naked in a circus for the sexual entertainment of white men (Story of Saartjie Baartman). Hip-Hop originated from African American roots in which African American were primarily targeted: “The emphasis on African American women’s sexuality in Hip-Hop music/media allows it to be a powerful influential source of sexual scripting for this cohort. The use of video images coupled with highly sexualized content of mainstream Hip-Hop music/media is a seductive and efficient means of imbuing notions of “appropriate” patterns of sexuality for young African American woman (Ross and Coleman, 158)”. Sexual scripting among African American women are linked to the inevitable sexual violence and abuse during slavery, when it was habitual of slave masters to sexually violate African American women because of their position in power, and in Saartje Baartman’s case forced into selling her body which has founded the foundation in which the plethora of Black women for generations after have followed. This is also true for Hispanic women because many Caribbean Islanders possess similar physical features that originate from African descent. Influencing Black and Hispanic women of these appropriate patterns of sexuality subject them to sexual violence. As uncomfortable as it is to articulate the sexual mistreatment I previously experienced, it’s a must. It didn’t too long for my relationship to be utterly minimalized to a sexual basis. We stopped arguing about the same tireless subjects and “resolved” our tension by intercourse, which was the worst possible solution because in reality nothing was being solved, and tension arose. It got to the point where he wouldn’t let me go home unless we had some sexual relation with each other, and even if I didn’t want to revert to that, he was very persistent and I gave in multiple times because he was my boyfriend. Sex was a very unhealthy resolution in our predicament, and my body was merely being used, it wasn’t love making it was making lust.

Regardless of the content in Hip Hop music, women prevail to be the face and integral part of entertainment in Hip Hop, in Lil Dicky’s song Save That Money his goal is to create the most epic Hip Hop video of all time that will not cost him much money, hence the purpose for his song title. Rich Homie Quan who was featured in the song spoke mainly about his disregards to his experiences with women: “All of my b*tches be scared of me, I put that rod in ‘em, all of them b*tches actin’ thoughtless, I disregard them” (Genius: Save That Money Lyrics). That was recognizably the only lyrics in that song that addressed women in a derogatory way, and the first instance where women were presented. In the music video Lil Dicky dismisses him because his lyrics have nothing to do with the notion of “saving money”. Ironically this is intertwined by his idea of the entire music video being that the central element in his video is the aesthetically pleasing presence of provocatively dressed women, and his juxtaposing utilization of women. The video repetitively goes back to various scenes of women dancing on top of him, and performing for the camera in a seductive playful manner, because they are the focal point. No matter what our arguments consisted of or how they resurfaced, everything summed up about me and how I was the problem in the relationship. Regardless of our accumulating circumstances, I was always the problem. I was aware that he was in denial about his own insecurities and I would try and make him realize his own faults, so that he would be awakened in some miraculous way. He disregarded all of his faults, and never admitted to ever being in the wrong, that I was the only flaw, and because of how he treated me, I thought I would never be able to prove myself wrong even though I knew who I was, and what I was doing. He would tirelessly summarize every one of our relationship downfalls to my past experiences, and could never stray away from his narrow minded false perception of me.

In a video interview titled How Women are Portrayed in Hip Hop, the interviewer asked Record Executive IRV Gotti, and a couple of other guest relative to the music industry big questions on the roles women play in Hip Hop music videos: “What do you say to critics that say that women are just objectified in videos, they have no role other than to increase a man’s status?” IRV Gotti responded “Our job is to entertain!” and went on to explain how music videos are for the everyday man who simply needs a break. The interviewer then asked Melissa Ford, “Have you ever felt disrespected, have you ever felt objectified or felt uncomfortable?” Ford replied that she sees this opportunity as job and said: “Bur other girls set the burn in front of the camera, they’re willing to go above and beyond…most of the time you don’t have to ask they’ll do it, because there’s so much competition in video sets where there used to be 5 or 6 girls, now there’s 50 or 60 girls”. Author Michael Eric Dyson explains the reality of the business, and classifies the Hip Hop culture: “Hip Hop is a male phenomenon so predictably women won’t find a very powerful place within that universe” (Women Portrayed in Hip Hop). Women are being employed as objects to increase a man’s status, and by doing this they subjugate their own power, trading it in for the price of the camera and since this method has been perpetually in place for a long time, this has become the standard for women and the norms in which they’re restricted to reside. My ex-boyfriend constantly warned me that if I didn’t play by his rules he would do something out of revenge to get me back. Knowing the type of person I am, I tried to appease his insecurities and avoid anything that would jeopardize my standing with him even more. I felt like I wasn’t myself anymore, I felt like I was a robot that was controlled by someone who could care less for me, and that was exactly my reality. He literally controlled every aspect of my life from my job, education, and social life so that my entire world would revolve around him. I never found a solid ground in my past relationship because I was dominated by his control and deprived of my true self.

Misrepresentation of women puts extreme pressures on women of all ages, but particularly targets women in their mid-twenties due to the majority of women presented in Hip-Hop videos. These images influence body modifying strategies such as plastic surgery, anorexia, bulimia to name the least and some women are not able to live their lives past the years of abuse because some even die from these affects. Body dissatisfaction is primarily affected by young teens bombarded by dehumanizing images that ultimately question their worth:

Using the female body, or parts of it, to sell products or promote messages is degrading toward women and has been documented to lead to self-image problems for vulnerable young girls. Dehumanizing women’s bodies by including only provocative parts implies that the only important feature of a woman “lies between her neck and her knees (Images that Injure, 266)

Not only do these images cause young women to harm or modify their bodies, but encourage women to courageously pursuit their sexual beings if they haven’t done so already. Adults may be able to differentiate right from wrong based off of what they see, but adolescents on the other hand cannot:

Adults may be taught to discount photos in advertisements, to look at different networks’ videotapes, and to look at how different photographers shot the same story. But children come to visual messages without learned skepticism. Consequently media images of children geared primarily for children have a great deal of power to define reality (Images that Injure, 225)

Young women are not automatically advised to disregard these images, so these images create a cultural norm and basis as early as adolescence. I grew up listening to songs from Juvenile “Back That Ass Up” and D4L’s “Girl Shake That Laffy Taffy” and dancing to lyrics like “My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard” and in 4rth and 5th grade I saw nothing wrong with these songs. Now that I look back at all these degrading songs, and see how Hip-Hop music has evolved over time, the negative influences are still prevalent and continue to perpetuate our social roles. These Hip-Hop videos have created guidelines for young men and women to follow, that ultimately shape our realities where girls are growing up subconsciously aspiring to become the “Video Vixen,” while men look up to these negatively configured representations of men and mimic the “Player” life style. Both of the representations that Hip-Hop music displays as the typical man and women are unhealthy models to be imitated, and these music videos should not be responsible for setting these guidelines. These falsified misconceptions are brainwashing and misleading men and women alike to conform and abide by this culture of Hip-hop.

Dick Clark was absolutely right when he said “Music is the soundtrack of our lives,” and even more so music videos dictate our lives. Music videos are a highly powerful tool of influence that functions as the expected roles that men and women are supposed to imitate in reality. Coupling degrading sound lyrics, along with exploiting images affects the spectator in such a way that they start to think, and do things that are projected in videos. Since Hip-Hop music videos are all about the physical existence of women from a man’s perspective, this patriarchic concept glorifies the faults of men, and makes women appear that they are always the problem and or “solution”. In reality the problem is the misrepresented roles of men and women that are perpetually projected in negative ways that give men the excuse to abuse women, and tell women to be receptive to this abuse, and also abuse themselves by doing so. Hip-Hop music, and video imaging are a integral aspect that defines a tremendous portion of Pop culture’s significance, due to its powerful impact of relaying information. Although Hip-Hop is main stream in today’s world of Pop-Culture, it should not allow such degrading concepts of our social roles to be reframed simply due to its popularity. My personal experience with dealing with what this culture so to speak is plausible evidence that justifies the negative influences of Hip-Hop imaging and content. It is time that someone addresses the flawed conceptions that Hip-Hop transcends, and be aware that these images go beyond the screen and shape our lives in reality. We must move away from these repulsive messages and monitor what we hear and see because these are very important elements to how we learn, and ultimately sculpt ourselves as people. Hip-Hop music imaging and popular phenomenon’s cannot our next generations’ instructional guide because it will continue to perpetuate ideas of how men and women can abuse themselves and one another.

Works Cited

Flores, J. Lucien. “Hip-Hop is For Everybody: Examining the Roots and Growth of Hip-Hop.” Student pulse. Demand Media, 2012. Web. 30 October 2015.

“How Women Are Portrayed in Hip Hop Videos”. Online video clip, YouTube, YouTube, 29 December 2007. Web. 23 October 2015.

“Lil Dicky (Ft. Fetty Wap & Rich Homie Quan) – $ave Dat Money.” Genius. N.p. Web. 23 Oct. 2015.

“MTV Timeline.” The pub. Demand Media, n.d. Web. 1 December 2015

“Nicki Minaj – Anaconda.” Genius. N.p. Web. 23 Oct. 2015.

Oikelome, Albert O., Ph D. “Are Real Women Just Bad Porn?: Women in Nigerian Hip-Hop Culture.” The Journal of Pan African Studies 5.9 (1 March 2013): 84. Academic Search Premier [EBSCO]. Web. 23 October 2015.

Ross, N. Jasmine, Coleman M. Nichole. “Gold Digger or Video Girl: the salience of an emerging hip-hop sexual script.” Culture, Health & Sexuality (2010): 157-171. Web. 23 October. 2015.

“Story of Saartjie Baartman”. Online video clip, YouTube, YouTube, 15 January 2014. Web. 1 December 2015.

Slevec, Julie. Tiggemann, Marika.”Attitudes Towards Cosmetic Surgery In Middle-Aged Women: Body-image, Aging, Anxiety and The Media.” Psychology of Women Quarterly 34 (2010), 65-74. Web. 23 October 2015.

The more you know,

 

I’m in a complete and utter season of selfishness in my life and I’m unapologetic about that. Looking back at the younger years in my life, I’ve realized for many MANY years I was just so afraid of being on my own and I’ve also realized how this perception has affected me from time to time. Insecurities I believe is one of the worst mental states to live in because every decision that sprouts from those insecurities are most likely to be insufficient for your life in the long run although they may seem to alleviate a temporary fix at first or seem as a plausible solution, often times they are not the route to go simply because your perception is skewed to a certain extent. If there’s anything I would like to thank up until this point in life is my gut instinct and intuition.Interestingly enough this magnificent third eye per say is only crafted perfectly by the worst circumstances you’ll face in life, intuition is only sharpened through failure, disappointment, and setbacks. The more times you realize you’ve gone against it, the more times you’ll actually consider listening to your silent voice.

I recently got out of the worst relationship that I could have ever gotten myself into, I had to realize that I was involving myself with the most prideful, stubborn, manipulative, back stabbing, idiotic, hypocritical human being to ever live (I will later upload an essay that I wrote for English 102 that expounds on my crazy relationship more infused through the theme of Hip-Hop). God, I tried to do everything in my power to prove to this man (little boy) that I was worth being with, funny thing is he tried everything in his power to get me to be his girlfriend, and it all happened all at once, out of the blue, out of nowhere and his persistence bum-rushed me in an all simultaneous manner of positive and negative, but I love persistence as I would assume all women do so unfortunately, I fell for it. Ladies, let me tell you something: consistency  and authenticity are two completely different things, don’t get them confused. Just because a man appears to be performing everything in his power to pursue you does not mean that he wants you or that he plans on taking good care of you in the near future. Along with this consistency is charm, he’ll say exactly what you want to hear or try and “woo” you with things you’ve never heard before in attempts to break down your walls and make you vulnerable. Might I say, this works wells especially because guys like this have played the game and will say exactly what they know they should to get exactly what they want from you.

Over a very long phone conversation (7 hours to be exact), I was once told “You’re so well spoken, it’s like every time you speak people gravitate to your every word, you can have such an impact on others….” bla bla bla something like that I’m not quoting word by word but that was basically what I was told and THAT was by far the greatest compliment that anyone’s ever given me because I was very insecure in my earlier teenage years because I thought that I was never good at expressing myself. This individual knew that I was insecure about this aspect of myself because I previously expressed this with him so he knew what he needed to say in order to boost my confidence. Anyways, later on he ended up using everything against me that he glorified early on in our dating stages, but once we were together it was all downhill from there.

It fascinates me now looking back at what I allowed myself to go threw, although it was only 4 months of this “relationship” I could have swore I was bound to this guy who used every negative thing I shared with him about myself, and things that he’s heard from others (which is something I will also talk about in another blog that is a warning sign in your relationship) which is the perfect example of the “80,20” ratio in relationships and why they tend to fail because the significant other will leave the 80 percent of the relationship that is good for the 20 percent of the relationship they didn’t want to deal with. It’s interesting to me looking back at this particular event in my life that was so brief, yet so profound in the process of getting to know myself at a greater level. Come to think of it, if I was never criticized so much by him for what I went through in life or for the things I purposely brought forth in my life, I would never know that my GOD is the ultimate forgiver, lover, and purifier of my spirit.

On this amazing journey of self-discovery I am truly grateful for all the bad that has happened to me in the last year because I believe it is leading me to higher level of self-awareness and satisfaction within myself. In one of my post on Instagram this was my caption:

“Know the value and significance of your own entity.. It is only then, after this acknowledgement of self that will enable you to carefully differentiate people or aspects of life that will or will not add to this significance.. You will notice who naturally offers love freely and who naturally exhorts destruction, and things that will do the same. In all realness, there is a season for both of these encounters but your self-significance will determine how well you openly receive or recuperate from either blessing or lesson. Be positively self absorbent enough to leave no room for anyone or anything that is a threat to your being”

Self care is not selfish, and being selfish is not a bad thing.