Unapologetically: Fluid, Feminine & Fierce

 

 

Processed with VSCO with f2 preset

I was once blamed for the way my body is structured 

You have no idea how many things within me this had ruptured 

I was always too sexy, doing too much, without doing anything at all 

Guilt and shame were installed 

My confidence confused with the desire for attention 

Always boxed in and never shown proudly because I was told I was too pretentious 

My femininity was a constant threat but I hadn’t even told you the whole story yet 

My aesthetic fluidity and grace was never secure in its own place 

My power was altered and moved at a different pace

Processed with VSCO with t1 preset

I’m almost done unraveling the judgment and scrutiny of your patriarchal eyes 

I won’t continue to see my own body through those very lies 

I’m allowing my fierceness and sexiness to run free 

I’m allowing myself to return back to me 

Sponsored Post Learn from the experts: Create a successful blog with our brand new courseThe WordPress.com Blog

WordPress.com is excited to announce our newest offering: a course just for beginning bloggers where you’ll learn everything you need to know about blogging from the most trusted experts in the industry. We have helped millions of blogs get up and running, we know what works, and we want you to to know everything we know. This course provides all the fundamental skills and inspiration you need to get your blog started, an interactive community forum, and content updated annually.

Seat of Self Love 


There’s this reoccurring image of me on a throne. As there should be for you too. You should envision what your majesty looks like as well and know why you have your own throne. My throne is clothed with red and purple satin, engraved with an intricately placed design of rubies, pearls and diamonds. My seat is much bigger than I am, and I’m rebuilding my seat to be able to withstand the forces of all man power so that it’s not disrupted or dismantled in any way. There are steps to big for anyone to walk up to me. My seat has a tempurpedic interior for its seating, and a bouncy tannish leather for its back bone. This seat has been in the making for the past 5 years, and it’s taken me even longer to even realize that this seat is necessary and that it’s symbolic of my very being. Its an exemplary example of my mental state, even more speciafically, a physical representation of my standards. This seat is grounded and ultra secure with promises of the future and locked in with my own love, and sealed even tighter with God’s love. There has been a few instances lately that have gravitated me out of my throne unto concrete to shower things that did not genuinely even consider showering me back and I shouldn’t have even altered my perspective because I know now that people that don’t willingly sacrifice for you without giving them something in turn will never do so out of the pure delight from their heart, they don’t have it in them. They’re not programmed to love you at the level of love you should have for yourself. Yours is unprecedented, Gods love for you is unconditional/unmeasurable and any other kind of love that doesn’t imitate either or is unacceptable. 

After a brief moment off of my throne, I realize that I should never step foot off of it for any one or anything. My seat of self love will not be intruded by pesky run bys who barely love them self, ones who can’t even define the word “love,” or anyone with hidden interior motives, but most importantly: it sure as hell won’t be interrupted by anyone who isn’t meaning to put as much effort outwardly for me as I do for myself inwardly. I’m readjusted on my seat of self love and my seat is not one to be reckoned with. Your throne isn’t either. 

The Greatest Thing You Could Ever Give Yourself

Your education, perspective of the world around you, and how you respond to a conflict are just some of the things that no one can take away from you. These nonmaterialistic things that are acquired mentally are the things that won’t leave you or be taken from you because they become root deep; embedded. One of the greatest gifts you can give yourself is YOUR OWN LOVE, effort, and to simply show up for yourself.

However, many people are unable to give themselves the love they deserve, mainly because they haven’t painted a mental picture of what that looks like to them specifically, and it is simply this:

YOU must be able to offer yourself what others cannot.

  1. Make a conscious effort to plan your life accordingly, and work relentlessly towards what you want:

What does the best version of you look like? What does a successful day look like for you? What do you find yourself gravitating towards (be selective)? In what ways can you begin to work towards your bigger goals? What are those goals? What will you commit to every day in order to achieve that vision?  How will you keep this vision in the forefront of your mind and everything you do? What sacrifices will you make in order to break boundaries? What’s holding you back from you? Are you seizing all self-sabotaging murmurs with an encouraging thought? Are you building your mind daily, and creating a safe place for your own thoughts and creativity to thrive?

Then once these are concrete in your mind, go get to work. Go plan your vision, create a vision board, get connected to people who can help you, THINK ABOUT THAT ‘THING’ EVERY SINGLE WAKING MOMENT, pray about it, ask God where he will open a door, ask God if that’s the right path for you, ask God if that’s the right person for you (trust me, he won’t answer the way you expect him to answer, but you’ll be given what you ask), Meditate, and PLAN, PLAN, PLAN.

2. Celebrate your smallest victories !! Huge victories are made up of the smallest, yet significant decisions and actions.

Celebrate that you woke up at 9 am instead of 1:30 pm in the afternoon one day, celebrate the fact that you’re working towards your goals, celebrate that you’re JUST starting to think about your goals, celebrate that you ate a healthy breakfast this morning, celebrate your singleness, celebrate the fact that you’re not where you need to be but thank GOD you’re not where you used to be, celebrate your makeup that you beat so well and blended for the gods, or the fact that you blocked that exact thing that could have blocked your blessing, or that you worked out for 15 minutes one day, or an hour and a half the other, celebrate the fact that you’re exactly where you need to be in life at this very moment, or the fact that you just read that book, or…. okay I think you get it now. CELEBRATE EVERYTHING. Cheer yourself on, be your biggest cheerleader, be your own hype man/ hype woman. DO NOT BE STOPPED, don’t let anything kill your stride.

3. KNOW YOURSELF from the inside out

Take lots of time for yourself (granted you don’t have a kid or a husband or boyfriend, or girlfriend) but regardless, “you time” is the most essential. Let your mind roam and see where you take yourself, go on a journey to reinvent yourself, do something that you would never do or even consider doing, create the most grounded relationship as possible with yourself. Get to know your strengths and weaknesses like the back of your hand (which is a never-ending job, and frankly no one really ever fully knows themselves, but every step is surely one step closer to a more refined you). Do what you can for yourself, and believe that you’re able to go the distance, land that new job, learn that new skill, cut that negative person out of your life, journal more often, commit to positive thinking, and stress less about the things you know you can’t control.

Do all that you can do for yourself and God will figure out the rest. Realistically, some people or ALL, in fact, may find this to be a daunting task: to “let go, and let God” but we must understand that we have to help God help us. If we didn’t, the concept of trust, faith, or work will no longer be a factor, and we would live our lives unappreciative and spoiled rotten when in reality God doesn’t need to bless anything he’s not a part of. If we would simply change our perspective and our habits of doing things, God will do so in turn. Sometimes it’s you that is in the way of your own life, and sometimes you’re the one hindering your own growth and success. If you keep looking at how you’re not qualified, or how you’re not worthy enough, or how that thought that keeps reoccurring in your head is just impossible, or how you’ll forever be alone, or how you’re never going to progress, you’ll never be ready to do what God wants you to do.

 

It won’t be easy, but it’s as simple as SHOWING UP.

 

Pa Fuera Paribartana👋🏽✌🏽: Why I Posted A “Before” Pic But Never Followed Through 

In the world of waist trainers, 30 day body transformations, #TeamThick and all these other fitness crazes, I didn’t want to be just another body captured on the web to receive this false sense of recognition and be applauded for taking care of my body. About two days before my 1 month mark, I thought screw this seriously. I decided I’m not doing going to this for anyone to see my physical productivity or un-productivity, and I’m not doing it so that I can post a bomb “post selfie” (side note: which was part of the plan) but I wanted to strip myself away from that initial goal, because it can easily always be that, for the cyber recognition. At first, I did it to challenge myself to really get serious about working out an hour a day every day, to hold myself accountable to something that I told others I would. However, I soon realized that just because I said I was going to post a “post transformation” picture to show my results, It didn’t make me work any harder, nor did it make me want to better myself more simply because I put myself on the line (which I thought it would). What it did do was retract my motives and train of thought, and made me look at this challenge and evaluate what my interior motives were. I had to put myself in check in order to continue my journey, because this is for no one else to see but me. Yes, I will soon share my results and more of my struggles on my journey to achieve my wants, but it’s an inside job more than it is an outside job. Ultimately, this has challenged me to re-think what I want out of myself, and I need it more from myself than I will ever need from others.

It is love, it is perseverance, it is hustle, it is consistency, it’s is peace, it is ME.

No choice 

When I was little, I remember fantasizing about the glorious day when I would be standing in a wedding dress. I would over fantasize about the theme, and how my dress would look, how many people would attend, who I would end up marrying (I usually just inserted whichever boy I was dating at the time lol), and I held this fantasy so true to heart. Today I had a conversation with one of my best friends and found myself in the very opposite point of view. Those Ideas only once generated because there was actually someone in my life to actually fantasize about. However, there is none of that fantasizing now for that very reason, therefore my future dreams/goals only ever involve myself and I honestly wouldn’t have it any other way. 

I had no choice but to one day stop thinking that everyboy that came my way could potentially be my husband, but my mind ran these conclusions so persistently yet so inaccurately… I had no choice but to break this train of thought. This was especially true after I’ve lost all hope, and  my childhood fantasies no longer served me or made sense to my reality. One day I just had no choice but to decide ME and nothing else. I then realized that no one could ever give me what I truly desired or ever imagined on this earth but myself, and I’m more than happy planning things ahead with only me in mind because no one has ever done that for me, so I take it upon myself to give myself the world. Not to toot my own horn, but one of the things that I’m proud of saying publicly relates to independence and of course my FAVORITE topic of all self-love, in which I stated this: “Live your damn life until a man proves he can add unto the life you’ve already established for yourself,” and I’m going to go even further and say to CONTINUE living your damn life even when you do, because you were living, breathing, and functioning way before his exsistence and you shouldn’t have to ask for permission to breath even if you’re sharing the same air. 

Live your life as if you had no choice but to live as if no one will ever come, and be content with this possibility, as absurd as it may sound, but that’s how you know that once it does, that other person will not rule your life and codependency won’t take complete reign. Live your life as if you had absolutely no other option but to love yourself relentlessly, and do this as if that is your only duty. Love yourself so much that no force of negativity or evil can break down your walls of security, but when they do you’ll continue to love despite tribulation and brokenness. 

But remember that you cannot pour from an empty cup, and if you have nothing in your cup to give it’s because YOU need to fill it yourself. All the love in the world will not suffice unless you are reciprocating exactly the kind of  love you need from your own love tank. 

Move out of your own way

Do you ever workout feverishly for a few days in a row and then feel that you’ve conquered the world and then “reward” yourself with giving yourself lee-way for all the hard work you’ve done, and don’t decide to workout again until your confidence has run dry? Woah… that was a long informercial question, but this is my real life. This is my workout regime. I’ll do good for a few days or even a week and then won’t decide to workout again until months later. Yes, crazy. Well if you’re anything like me this post is for you. I originally wrote this to be a caption for one of my Instagram photos but wrote such a long caption that I just turned it into a blog instead. This is for the unmotivated, wishy washy, doubtful people who can’t seem to create a concrete regime to change their body to what they envision, because they’re the ones that are standing in their own way. This is for you: 
It took me hours to get out of bed this morning. My plan was to wake up early in the morning to get a workout in before breakfast and then go about my day in satisfaction knowing that I fell through with my initial plan. However, I didn’t start my workout until 9pm. 
What finally got me up on my feet and ready to fight my emotions was the same thought that rose me out of bed this morning, which was simply this: if I don’t get up now, when will I ? This question permeated my thoughts until I grasped the courage to shut every other voice that told me I had nothing else to do today anyway, managed to convince my mind that I am capable of moving my body today then I let my body lead the way. 
That question sank in and I asked my self over and over, if I don’t do it now when will I take the initiative to do it. I then began to see every passing second as an opportunity lost but it wasn’t until after hours later of contemplating, and fighting thoughts of doubt and lethargy, that my body got up. 
Today, I worked out for for a full hour. That’s more than I have worked out in MONTHS, I mean MONTHS. Just a few weeks ago, I remember I couldn’t get through even 10 measly minutes of intense cardio, and today I accomplish a full hour of strength training. I can’t wait until I get a gym membership again, and I can’t wait until I have the amount of money I need for meal prepping, and I most definitely can’t wait until I FEEL like working out because I’m not always going to feel like it, and you shouldn’t either. Don’t wait until you have all the necessary amenities or, finances, or motivation, or transportation or qualification in order to do what you want to do, DO IT NOW, when it’s the first thing on your to-do list but last thing on your lists of things completed. Then ask yourself, if you don’t do it now, what if you never have the chance to do it later ? 
I made the bold decision today of celebrating my body, to put it to use and celebrate its flawed yet functional design and told myself that if I don’t do it now in order to get the body to where I’m comfortable and confident, I’ll always make excuses and never reach my end results. I did it today so that I will one day be able to reclaim my stength and create my own definition of a dancers body. To be able to feel like my limbs move effortlessly without subconsciously thinking about my reflection in the mirror. 
I think what really got me to work ou today was the fact that I haven’t seen much change in my body for over 2 years, and I can’t stand to go another year with excessive skin on my body that continues to accumulate on the scale. However, I’m not so concerned with the number on the scale but the way I feel in which my body navigates itself. It’s less energetic, less motivated, it’s created stretch marks in every possible area and I just know that I cannot go another year with a body that I have not taken proper care of, and I don’t want to keep wishing that I could have taken better care of myself like I have for the last couple of years now. 

I made a declaration to myself today vowing that I will workout at least 20 minutes a day (every week day) no matter what compiled my schedule, no matter what level of stress I’m experiencing, no matter how unmotivated or emotional I feel, that I simply have to put all of my thoughts to silence and move my body regardless of what was going through my head, and motivate myself throughout the process of huffing and puffing through every second. The only thing that sustained me throughout my hour workout today was this: “You didn’t start this now, to quit this soon!,” so I didn’t stop. There were times where I felt my form was off, and many many reps where I no longer felt my muscles contracting the way they should because they were just too tired, but I couldn’t stop just because I didn’t feel like challenging myself or because my body wasn’t cooperating with me 100%. I made this commitment and even took a picture of my body before my workout, which I’m too embarrassed to share now, but  a month from now I will be sharing my 30 day transformation pic of my body from Jan. 9, 2016 to my body on Feb. 9, 2016. I’ve never done this before and I’m extremely excited to show everyone my results, most importantly excited to finally hold myself accountable and sharing this with you all now holds me to another level of accountability in which is different, opposed to me just keeping it to myself, because I know if I keep this to myself I won’t have a problem with letting myself down, but placing my expectations in the open like this has me in desperation to strive for what I’ve never accomplished. No matter if I workout for 2 hours, or 1 hour, or 20 minutes a day I will push my body to complete the task at hand and prove my mind that negative thinking will not take precedence in my life and lead my everyday lifestyle, but I will train my mind to percervere so that I can astonish myself with the results that I never thought I could achieve to begin with. 

The best of you requires your best foot forward,

I’ve been in some thought lately on the various dimensions of self love and not only how its an inward duty but a conscious act. This act not only encompasses self care and confidence into one, but it’s one that’s needed to foster love such as self belief and self trust. When you get to a certain age all you can only think about is your purpose in life, what change you must experience in order to spark change in those around you and, the big overall umbrella: What will my legacy be ? As I type this I have no clue, and it frustrates me to think that you’ll never realize what this is until one day, it hits you, but until then work with what you’re given.

However, I would like to discuss some of the “common sense” that falls into this process of fully loving ones self, one being that you must believe in all that you are, to fall in love with yourself. I feel very hypocritical to advise this to anyone, when I, myself have not harnessed this ability, it’s only a mere realization. However, after much thought on what my “purpose in life,” is I realized that I don’t know if I believe  in such, simply because I have not believed in myself for so long and there are just so many factors that go into why exactly I haven’t be able to do so, lots of which stem from childhood/ teenage experiences. Now I’m a woman or at least I’d like to think of myself as such, and I don’t want to harbor onto things from my past because I’m only moving forward, and too many times I’ve let myself stay in past and make myself at home in things that I no longer have control in, which is a waste of time and energy. One of the things I’m moving closer towards is believing that there is something that I’m destined to do, but first I have to believe in all of the things that interest me, all of the things I’m good at, all of the things I’m not, and really be my own driving source of encouragement. I have not encouraged myself beyond self care, and confidence and this I believe is one of the things I’m missing in the equation. I start something but end it abruptly, I believe in myself one instance and it’ll be gone in the next, I set plans for my goals and then leave them to rot, to later throw them away as if I never declared anything on my life due to fear of failure. After all of this time I am now working on loving myself in the way that I can equally believe in myself and what I do best, I believe that is true love.

As equally as important of believing in oneself is trusting yourself. I think after much judgement it has subdued my ability to trust in myself and the things that I do and take ownership in honing my craft even further due to doubts that originally stemmed from the outside, but are now brewing on their own inwardly without any help. If you don’t trust in what you’re doing or where you’re going, you’re never going to decide to put in the extra work, or make an effort to see new things unfold because you’re just tired with the things that you’ve initially founded those dreams on, so as result they don’t fall through as planned due to discrepant execution that stems from disbelief.

I conclude to reiterate that in order for you to love yourself on the deepest of levels is to believe in what you do and what your’re made of, and trust that you know how to do those things for a greater cause much bigger than yourself, and that you have those bestowed on you by God himself, not to perfect your craft for yourself but give them away to glorify him. So go ahead, bring forth your wildest dreams and do exactly what your heart has been tugging you to do, and if you still don’t know what that is believe that your’re right where you’re supposed to be and that every step of the journey counts. Be at peace with your present self and forgive yourself for being overly judgmental for not living up to the time constrained expectations you put on yourself. Reassure yourself that it’s okay to plan, and it’s OK not to be where you thought you’d be in your life in this given time. Instead of worrying, make the best of this moment you have and put on your favorite pair of heels or converse and put your best foot forward. Don’t make yourself regret the time you wasted worrying and not creating things with what you have RIGHT NOW. The best version of you is in the making each and everyday and the best version of you so far is the person reading this now… Go forward and don’t you dare look back.

Knowing When to Be Still

Right now, in this very moment, in this very season of stagnancy I have encountered peace. Peace despite not knowing what will happen in the future, and at the same time, the kind of peace that has made amends with the obscurities of my past for the better. They all meet me here in the present, standing still, providing me with a much higher level of awareness yet still unsure, but not shaken.

I’m currently in a weird state of blocking. Blocking in a sense that their is absolutely no one that I’m currently involved with, plan to involve myself with or anything anyone coming from the receiving end. It’s an anointed state of blocking to say the least because for the first time in my life, I’m not being swormed with guys, and neither am I craving that sort of attention. There’s no one in my DM’s, no creep in my face book messenger, no random dude in my twitter inbox, no late night snap chat surprises, NOTHING. I think this is because I gave up the role of match maker and just decided to live my life. I’ve decided that dating is a trivially meaningless game of nothing and that I would finally focus on founding a future for myself. I think about my future now without missing a beat, but I wasn’t always like this (if you’ve been keeping up with my rants, you know), it took a few storms to rattle me into the person I am at this very moment in time.

Our individual storms are deliberate appointments from God to change our life, perception, and habits around and after experiencing what was the worst relationship for me personally, I realized that it was time to do things differently. In just a few short days I will go on a year since I’ve been single, and this year alone has been my biggest year of self assessment. I recall gambling with God on who I would pursue and who I wouldn’t, and in the event that someone does not work out for me, I’d stop looking, that was my deal with God. But boyyyyyyyyyyyyy was God gambling with me. After a few years of saying “Okay God, I’ll be single for a while…” and after repetitively breaking that promise that I proposed time and time again, God allowed me to experience the most toxic relationship of all time. He did so to prove to me that he knows exactly what he’s doing, and that he has it already planned out, precisely – without my permission. Unfortunately, since I didn’t listen again even after the most draining relationship ever, God showed me once again that I truly needed to take a break, and once again I was paired with someone that could not add a single cent of fulfillment to my life and just a few months ago realized that I was beginning to spiral in the same endless cycle, with the SAME type of guy.

11x17-master-sheet_0004_g-073-be-still

Now, I’ve come to the conclusion that my life is just so much more important than being with someone else, that’s actually the least of my concerns. If you find yourself in the same kind of relational ruin that broke you to begin with, it’s time to re-frame the direction of your life, and help God HELP YOU. You shouldn’t want to have to change someone because that’s not your job, and neither is putting up with mistreatment or difficulty.. realize that your time of singleness and discovery should take place after everything that could have possibly go wrong, went wrong. When there is nothing else you could have done differently is when your life should just be about you. If all you’ve done is singleness & seek, try channeling singleness & stillness. If the same people keep coming into your life, and you keep going through different versions of the same sad story, seriously it’s time to take a seat. Find total contentment in your singleness that when another fool enters your life, you know exactly what to do: “Middle fingers up, wave them hands high, put it in his face, tell em BOYBYE,” and don’t be sorry.

One time when I was listening to moody radio, this one lady tuned in to share a few words on the radio about how she was utterly satisfied with her single life, she said that if God called her to remain single for the rest of her life, she would live in complete happiness. At first hearing that, I laughed and thought that she was mentally ill, but now I make those same declarations, and I do them quite often. Living in this state of mind has made me content, and I’m learning to foster my supreme state of independence in order to fully allow myself to further develop cognitively, spiritually, academically and so on. Establish something so concrete, and detailed to the point that with an addition or subtraction of a significant other,  your plans will not waver. Don’t live your life waiting around for something magical to happen to you because all the magic you’ll ever need is staring right back at you when you look in the mirror. Like I always say: “No one can complete you, you’re already complete. They only compliment you” (something like that)…. and if they cant even compliment your life, cut the cord.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Come clean.

If you’re anything like me, you’ve gone through not one but a few romantic misfortunes that in the end, reverts back to why you’re not enough and it’s all because “you’re the problem”. I believe love, just like any relationship is like an equation, it is the sum or product or division of decisions that two individuals intentionally/unintentionally bring into existence, and frankly speaking, or mathematically speaking, there is a principal that makes it mathematically impossible to multiply ANY number by zero. Just like you cannot create a fulfilling relationship out of someone who has absolutely ZERO to offer you. In the same sense, you won’t be able to engage in a lasting relationship if you have nothing to offer yourself. 

If you’re also like me, you’ve also had the habit of preconceiving future encounters with past significant others as a sign of destiny, or simply perceive if people keep coming into your path that it is meant for you. At a very young age, I became extremely narrow minded  when it came to boyfriends, and enjoyed playing the role of God, and would always subconsciously enjoin myself with who ever I thought best fit (which were very few). I remember fixating my entire world around involving myself with someone who would love me completely, because one of my biggest fears have always been that I would live the rest of my life alone (which is still a fear of mine til this day), but I quickly, and at a very young age saw myself playing this game of matchmaker in spite of romantically securing my spot in a boy’s life for good. Although I had slight interests of my own, I was never able to fully care for myself enough to think about what I wanted in life, other than playing matchmaker. I still vividly remember my conscious thought cycle of maintaining the premature love I once encountered at a young age, and then anticipating the return of an old love, to once and for all say goodbye to the agony of being a hopeless romantic.

I recall loosing myself at a tender age because I was told I was insecure, and I knew I was but the fact that I had that constantly projected unto me, put me into a deeper whole. Unfortunately some people can only see others through the vantage point of themselves. If someones always negative, they see themselves in a negative light. If someone’s always mad, they are probably mad about the circumstances that have hindered them or have had control over there life, leaving them no control. Therefore when someone projects things on you in order to blame you for why things aren’t going good, it’s only a representation of how they see themselves. Even though it may be true, you may be insecure, you may be antisocial, or whatever the case maybe, that still does not give the right for anyone to label you as such and place you as a scapegoat for the real issue.

1c19070155e75fa93eb886fb177e99ab

Run from those who say you’re hard to love, because they have not learned how to even love themselves. As we mature, we all learn how to authentically love ourselves for our true self. So if anyone says you’re too hard to love, or hardly shows you that they care, or displays wavering inconsistent “love” towards you, it’s due to their capacity in which they’ve come to love themselves. You must learn to develop the thickest of skin and realize that not everything that you loose is a lost, and not everything that has found you is yours to keep.

As cliche as it sounds, some people are only in your life for a season. Regardless if life has paired you with the love of your life, then broke your heart, or just brought you total chaos from the start, the people we connect with and the experiences we have with those people serve to teach us more about others and most importantly, more about ourselves. So next time when you’re multiplying yourself with someone else, and it doesn’t seem to have an ending product, that’s because there was nothing there to begin with. Don’t try to rewrite what was already written or justify why things went wrong and start a beginning of your own. Life has it’s own way of redirecting you and cutting ties between you and others for divine reasons. Don’t play into the fantasies of your mind that try and persuade you that things would be better off if you tried them again and gave things another try. Trust in the good and the bad, and believe that everything happens to keep you from harms way. Doors close for a reason, so that you lock everything behind you, with no intent on looking back.

8b44e4afa0ddfac67f096ec6ab5527e0

If you find yourself in a romantic rut that appears to have no future in sight, reconsider what it is that you’re bringing into the relationship. I now firmly believe in attracting what you are (to some degree), and everything that has a gravitational pull towards you can be a direct or indirect reflection of yourself. Critically analyzing things that come your way can also serve as a good self assessment tool in order to differentiate if someone is being introduced to your life because they have something to add unto your life, or if they are simply there to awaken you of an aspect within yourself that needs correcting for future romantic endeavors. In the end you have to ask yourself, what is it about this person that is drawn to me, and why? Are there any negative attributes of this person that I can identify with/ have previously identified with ? Etc. I can personally attest that those who I’ve attracted have always possessed a questionable characteristic of myself that I’ve learned to distinguish from over time. More importantly, what is hindering within you, that you haven’t dealt with ? Make it easier on yourself and specify the things you need to come clean within yourself, before life throws you another version of you, or something far worse with some neighboring attributes to really wake you up.

self-care-habit

In the same token, it is equally important to invest in yourself and identify your own faults before involving yourself with someone else, because essentially you are what you attract in some degree. Come clean with yourself, to start clean with your love life. History is bound to repeat, so make sure it’s worth repeating. Come clean with the cycles within yourself to curb the unfortunate cycles of life’s blows.

Advice to my 15 year old self

tumblr_o5kqhfOHNY1rprhpmo1_500

  • Your body or image is not all you have to offer in the world, you’re much more valuable than your overly adorned curves and curls. You’re more than the body you are renting for this life time, so don’t obsess about it like the media or lame boys do. Don’t form an artificial confidence based on your looks alone, that won’t be enough to sustain you.
  • Listen to your gut instinct the first time around, this will salvage a lot of your time and energy for events to come.
  • Don’t compare yourself to others.. you are you’re own unique being with thoughts and experiences that are one of a kind, that are valid and just as important as everyone else’s contribution/purpose in this lifetime.
  • I know school is not that important to you right now, but you need to take more initiative prioritizing this aspect in your life because your education is your gateway to many opportunities and is the threshold for the rest of your future. Being academically motivated will open your eyes to things and ideas you never knew you were on fire for to begin with and you’ll ultimately learn more about yourself by learning new things and expanding your horizons.
  • Don’t try and find your identity in anyone but God who created you, he knows who you are more than you know yourself right now or forever, if you ask him he’ll be more than glad to give you insight and direction.
  • Don’t hold relationships with significant others your top priority because just like you, he is learning to become a better him and he’s most likely only there for a season in your life, to teach you something about yourself, not to stick around for a lifetime. #BoyBye
  • Don’t be afraid to speak up, your opinions and thoughts are valid and should be heard. You’re smarter than you think.
  • Challenge yourself: physically, mentally, spiritually, and wrestle with yourself with your very existence so that you have some time to figure yourself out so that when you get older,the transition won’t be so abrupt.
  • Pleasing everybody does no good for you. Establish your “Yes’s” and “No’s,” you don’t always have to agree to everything that comes your way. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone but yourself.
  • Your body is sacred
  • You don’t owe a boy anything, not even if he asks for it.
  • Your seasons of friends will continually be shifting throughout your life, be adaptive to change and know that people leave your life for a reason.
  • Don’t be the pursuer, you’re the prize to be chosen, not the chooser.
  • Life goes by pretty fast, get in the habit of writing down your goals and practice for aiming for a certain goal no matter what those goals are and be consistent in your goal practices.
  • Be courageous, be spontaneous, or you’ll regret it later.
  • Know that not every guy that comes into your life is meant to stay and you’re not obliged to entertain them all either.
  • You already know what your passion is, so go forth, be confident in it and work for it like you were born to do nothing else.
  • A heartbreak is not the end of your life, it’s only the beginning…